I hate him

I hate him i hate him i hate him… some days its worse than being married to my 1st ex. But I don’t wanna hate him. The old me would just find someone who would appreciate me… but the grass isn’t always greener. And on top of that… I am not willing to take a chance on my marriage because I don’t wanna be the one to mess up… hes not my boyfriend anymore… hes my husband… my thoughts are wandering but God needs to be enough for me right now…

Sometines I feel I need more from God… like now… he is my shield and my great reward… and times when I am not getting what I need from my husband i need it from God… we are not perfect so how can I expect my husband to be?

God how can i expect my husband to feel love for me, when I don’t geel it for him? Why is marriage so hard? I nean we’re still in the first year… this should be honeymoon stages… but its not… its almost like hebhates me for getting pregnant… but then he loves his daughter and doesn’t regret her so i really don’t get it…. i want you to be enough not just for me… but for him… for him to make the choice to follow you with his heart and not just the motions… i want you to change my heart attitude towards my husband because hating him is wrong…. if i didn’t want so badly to be right with you i would have left him already… but ur worth being right with.. and thats all I want Lord… help me thru this depression I am feeling… maybe if I wasn’t stuck at home with the kid I would feel better… maybe I just need to get out… but as the mom I am the responsible one. By default… it always seems that way… things just seem so off God and I am asking that you fix them… not me… I realize I can’t fix them… I have tried and failed and I need you to take control… i need you to… I am asking you to. I pray these things in Jesus name..Amen.

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