In love is a feeling, to love is an action.

So many times we equate love with an actual feeling, but to love someone is a choice. To love your spouse is a choice and one you have to make daily. I have been married twice before and never prayed for my husband’s the way I pray for my husband this time around. The days that I feel hate for him, those are the days I chose to show him love.

When I first started this blog (I have deleted everything before now) it was about the wrong and anger my husband did and caused me. But how I chose to love him anyway even while I was hating him. I had the same number of followers as I do now.. ZERO lol… but even with that I couldn’t be completely open and honest. These are my confessions, not his. My struggle, not his.

Men are jerks, it’s almost as if it’s in their DNA. Not all the time, but they all have those tendencies! They can be hurtful in their words, actions, and other ways. Our picture of love is different from theirs. You can be married a lifetime before you see things eye to eye it feels.

Let me get back on track!!! We will just say, my husband wasn’t doing right by me in a biblical sense, and isn’t where he needs to be. Should we have waited to get married? You can definitely say that. But we didn’t. And my emotions are paying the price for it. But honestly, i don’t think I was fully where I needed to be until we got married and then expected him to be there. Thats not how it works. But now I expect him to change, just like a woman…

To change for the better and based off the premises of what he said he wanted, i don’t see anything wrong with that. There’s nothing i can do, but pray.

I was praying he would do A.B.C. then my prayers started to change… I started being real with God!!!!

God, I HATE HIM!!!! WHY IS HE SUCH AN ASS?!?!?!? and for about a week, it was my feelings for him. What I felt. But I knew I couldn’t treat him the way I felt.
John 13:35 says… by this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
And the end of Acts 11:26 says the disciples were first called Christians in Antioch….
So one way to show Christ, is to show love, no matter how we feel…

So i was real with God, while showing my husband respect, and just hating him on the inside, but showing him love.

My prayers started to change. One simple thing… he has a heart for you Lord. That’s it. His heart loves you first. Days still go by, moments when you feel like you want to throw the TV at him, but you take a moment and you pray, you remember he’s not God, hes not Jesus, hes just man. But hes your man, you chose him, you made that vow before God, you said you weren’t getting a divorce. And here you are. Choosing to love him in the midst of your pain, while he doesn’t understand. And as you pray, things get better, but not overnight. And these are my confessions. Maybe not as juicy as you would like! But they’re what I need.


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