I don’t know how I have done this for so long. I look back at my prayers and they are still the same. Its like I wonder if God is moving at all?????!!!! I ask him if he loves and cares for me and he says yes, so I ask, why don’t you love me then? Just love me… I don’t get it… I can’t keep going on like t his for now. I almost left him tonight but I cant bring myself to do that just yet. He can spend all day texting and entertaining other people. he can entertain them, but when I try he’s so damn dry with me. I cant do anything right it seems… I can just be a good mother… I have allowed this hurt to go on and on and on, and somethings gotta give.

I have been divorced 2x already, and I don’t want to have a 3rd. but I can’t do anything anymore. Nothing… I give up… I quit… Continue reading


It’s been a while

It has been a while since I have posted. I am sure you can see the date of my last post, and you can see that it’s been about a year. That doesn’t mean it has been all perfect, or that I just forgot to post the bad, but it has been a little of both!

This year is looking better than last, which is a great thing! Right now, I just feel I am running in place, and not going very far. I am bored in our marriage, and he doesn’t care. That is frustrating to say the least. I want to go on dates, I want to go on trips, I want to do stuff together. We just keep doing stuff separately instead. I do not like division in my own home.

It is March 20, 2017, and since we have woken up on January 1st, we have had sex 1 time, and it was NOT enjoyable. It’s so hard to get into it when he doesn’t want it. When I tell you that I do not look sloppy or anything, I really mean that. I could be smaller, I was only 15 lbs less when I got pregnant, so It’s not like I have a long way to go.

Continue reading