BROKEN

I don’t know how I have done this for so long. I look back at my prayers and they are still the same. Its like I wonder if God is moving at all?????!!!! I ask him if he loves and cares for me and he says yes, so I ask, why don’t you love me then? Just love me… I don’t get it… I cant keep going on like t his for now. I almost left him tonight but I cant bring myself to do that just yet. He can spend all day texting and entertaining other people. he can entertain them, but when I try hes so damn dry with me. I cant do anything right it seems… I can just be a good mother… I have allowed this hurt to go on and on and on, and somethings gotta give.

I have been divorced 2x already, and I don’t want to have a 3rd. but I cant do anything anymore. Nothing… I give up… I quit…

as I type these words I hear a still small voice in my head saying, “don’t the time hasn’t come” what does that even mean tho?? God you know I cannot keep on not like this… I was ready to go to my dads tonight, but he told me I’m not taking his daughter… and that made me stop and talk to him…

we haven’t slept together in months, only once this year and its about to be the 4th month of the year… we talk, he’s always changing the subject when I try to talk about us.. instead of answering me… he tries to play it off… and its like he’s my best friend but that’s it… no romance at all…

I hate where I am in my life… I cant keep doing this to myself, and this is no state to be in… I have no one to talk to, and I am all alone… I cant talk to my friends because I don’t want him to look bad. I cant talk to the counselor because I don’t want him to look bad either, and I know them personally… I don’t know what to do or where to start with all this, and I guess that’s why I have this anonymous blog.

What better way to be anonymous than to have the most plane Jane doe name for a blog? I can give the best advise, but not to myself. I guess God has plans, but Idk how much longer I can really wait.

I have never prayed for anyone the way I pray for him. not my friends, or my family, or any other husband before, and I have seen the least amount of answers from God with this one. I’m just here… waiting on God… oh well…

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