James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
I am focusing on the Lord in time, talent, and treasure. Putting him first. Something i thought I was doing but I wasn’t. I was trying to take matters into my own hands and force him into someone and that isn’t going to work. So I started to pray yesterday. For the past month I have been listening to Gods word every morning. I have been praying here and there.
Yesterday I started to pray. I wrote it down in a daily calendar. And as much wrong and pain he has caused me and as much wrong he does, it can come down to a simple prayer for him. I pray he puts God first. I pray he can love me like Christ loved the church so much he died for it, and I pray he can get back in discipleship. Everything else will fall into place. If he puts God first he will want his heart. If he loves me like Christ loved the church so much he died for it… He will learn to die to self, and he will learn to put his old self to death and rise in the likeness of Christ and through discipleship, he will learn what a Christian is. Acts 11:26 “… And the disciples were first called Christians in Antioch” he will learn how to lead and what it means. Today is day 2 of that same prayer. Yesterday the devil attacked hard. I got a message that he is still talking and seeing an ex girlfriend of his and we have been married for 2 years and have a child together. I asked him about it and he got so mad he talked about divorce. Said she is the one telling him to work on things with me and all these other things. But yet for my birthday he didn’t even want to take a picture with me and got mad that I posted a picture of us on my Facebook page and tagged him in it. Just stupid things like that, that justify the things that I hear. All I did was ask him. I heard from someone else today that he asked her in between breakups, “where does that leave me?” She told him, “with your wife”. And this was from her. And this is the man I am praying for God to change his heart from the inside out.
He doesn’t understand what being ONE flesh means. And I know I have issues with trying to lead at times. No, none of these are excuses for his behavior. I have flaws too is all I am saying. He always says “Ehhh not a good one from the way you make it seem.” Husband is what he is talking about. Well there is room for improvement. He pays bills. He is the provider and is a pretty good dad. But when you can treat the mother way better, you can be a better father. You’re showing your daughter the behavior she can find acceptable. Whether she sees it or not.
I have to of course be praying for myself too. And the fact that he says that often, I am praying that I can render respect to him in public and private at all times. I’m usually pretty good at it… But am I? If he feels that way, am I? Now am I also wrong for this? I can’t “prove” he’s cheating, because he won’t admit it… But I can prove it… I just haven’t caught him in the act. I have everything but that. So without that… I have spoken multiple women, phone records, emails, but just haven’t caught him in the act. And he denies it. And here I am. So saying he can be a better husband.. Am I wrong for that? Maybe I need to put my pride down and just leave this up to the Lord. I have to try. Like I said, i have been divorced 2x and I don’t know that I have fought, but the battle belongs to the Lord. I need to let him fight for me for once. And if he won’t allow the Lord to work, there is nothing left for me there but to move on. I need to give in to the Lord. And the devil will flee