I am Bothered

I guess someone can only be unbothered for so long before they are bothered by the one who is suppose to love and protect them. A heart can only break so many times before it is shattered into a million pieces and like humpty dumpty, cannot be put together again. Is it my fault because prayer for him has become inconsistent? Is it my fault because some days I hate him even though I do not show him anything but love??

There is no where I am commanded to love my husband, but I am told to respect him. Eph 5 and 1 Pet 3 talk about being in subject to him or submission, but also how he is to be with me. Regardless how he is with me, its about serving my Lord and not him, so even if he isn’t treating me right, I still need to follow the word and listen.

I know I am far from perfect. I need to be prayerful for him. I need to stop complaining, what is it going to solve? I don’t even really say much to him. He’s never home anyway. I have one night away a week and the rest of the time I am alone with my girls. I am just frustrated lately, I need to pray for myself more! I need someone who cares enough to pray for me and my heart. I just wish he did. God I just wish he had a heart for you, truly his heart and treasure was for you.

I don’t have much this time. This is my heart, Lord I am tired. I cannot change anyone, nor do I want to. I just wish he didn’t change, I haven’t changed, I don’t get it.


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