There are things that I do not fully understand. That is fine, that is sometimes the way things are. We cannot see them for what they are because we are blinded for what we want them to be. At the same time, when we rebel against God, sometimes things do not work out the way we want them to. Everyone can say that they love God, but the moment you serve him, that’s a different story. I think I am at a breaking point. I have not been consistent in prayer, and not that, that automatically means God will not do right by me, no, but I feel that I have failed. On the other hand, I cannot make someone serve the Lord who doesn’t want to. James chapter 2 really goes into detail about faith without works being dead. It’s just like when someone uses the word love, but has no actions to back it up. As I re-learned love, I learned through Jesus, that love is ALWAYS a selfless act. Regardless of how you feel, you can still choose to love someone. 

I see two messages in James 2. One is about love, and the other is about the action of faith. Both of those being action words, neither being feelings or something you just, “do”. The first half is about love, and the second, about faith without works is dead.

James 2:1-13  Is where it is talking about loving one another, and the judgement we so easily place on one another. I am not really going to spend too much time here, because, this doesn’t have to do with my brokenness, but there is something here I try to always be mindful of when dealing with people in general, and that is verse 6-9 But ye have despised the poor. Do not rich men oppress you, and draw you before the judgment seats? Do not they blaspheme that worthy name by the which ye are called? If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, ye do well: But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.
I am going to take this another way, because this is how it applies to my life. He is only speaking about the rich and the poor, and how the rich basically are fake, but yet, the people here discriminate (respect) against the poor based off of looks, and show favor to the rich, and that is sinful as we are supposed to love your neighbor as yourself. That includes everyone, not just those who live in your neighborhood, but those who are around you period. I took this a little differently, just given my situation and place in life currently. In verse 6-7 it says, “do not the rich men oppress you, and draw you before the judgement seats? do they not blaspheme tat worthy name by the which ye are called? In verse 9, but if ye have respect (show discrimination or favor) to persons, ye commit sin. This hit me first of all because of the fact that you are favoring your oppressors. In all honesty, I feel that I am doing that in my marriage. There is without a doubt a conflict of interest given that he is my husband, and I am supposed to respect him, and his place in my life. However, he wants to leave, let him go. But, until he is no longer my husband, I do need to still treat him as such, I am still a married woman, until I am not. But why do we do this in general? Why do we continue to let those that oppress us, get the best of us, while they judge us based off what we do and do not do, all the while, they are not living by faith, or following God, but still trying to claim the name of the King, Lord Jesus Christ??? Needless to say, this brought me comfort. I have learned how to show love, and because of my father, and the way things were set up, I learned to forgive pretty quickly. 

Now for the second part! James 2:14-26 shows us that faith is an action, saying faith without works is dead, 17 Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. I often ask people this silly question, “Why do you not play basketball on the highway?” Of course people look at me crazy when I do, like I am the crazy one for even asking something like that, LOL, but it makes my point that you believe in your heart that you will die if you do. A head belief and a heart belief are two different things. You act out what is in your heart, and whats in your head, well maybe it’s not even real. If someone can persuade you of something, sway you thoughts on a subject, it is not a heart belief.  Unfortunately, I was in a marriage, or am, in one, where he cannot seem to understand what it means to love me like Christ loved the church, so much he died for it, and to love me like himself. It’s hard to love someone as yourself, when you don’t even love yourself though. Genesis 15:And he believed in the Lord; and he counted it to him for righteousness. Abram, who later became Abraham, had a heart belief, and his actions showed how much he loved the Lord. It seems that the only time he really didn’t follow the Lord, was when his wife got in the way, and for her it  happened because She wanted to save  him, or try to fulfill God’s promises on their own. So then his heart led towards his wife, instead of God, but only in very few situations, and his wife was also a woman of God, but their flaws just show how we are not perfect, and yet, his belief was still counted for righteousness. When you read through the life of Abram, you see the works that he did because of his faith, and that’s how you know, what someone believes in. He was also galled, the friend of God. I just wanted my husband to be my friend, and this man has the whole Lord!! LOL, man, talk about faith, maybe I am lacking in faith.

Maybe a situation needs to be so jacked up, that only God can move in it, and maybe the movement that is made, is to do what he wants to be done in the first place. Maybe I did what I wanted to do instead of what HE wanted me to do, and because of that, I am paying the cost. On the other hand, we have Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. But when only one of you has the love of God and not both of you, all things can’t work together no matter how bad it gets, and no matter how much someone wants to walk away. I am not all I can be in God, or all I should be. I am not as far as I could be or should be in God. I feel like I am just taking steps back, God has so much for me. He had so much for my husband, but he doesn’t wish to explore who he is in Christ. These are mostly just my thoughts on a blog that very few people will read, LOL, and hopefully I know none of them!

At the end of the day, I will pray for his heart, because that is what my daughter needs. A father who loves Christ. If she doesn’t get that, she will always have The Father. I am not perfect, but at least I tried.



One thought on “Broken

  1. Pingback: Broken – Inspirational Time With Gifty

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