I am waking up to reality lately, and it is a lot to take in. When you have a gift, and you don’t use it, let’s just say, God has a sense of humor. It’s not always funny either, and most of the time, we do not get the joke until after it’s all said and done. I have had a gift of writing, really, since I can remember. I always did great in elementary school, I would win ribbons for having the best story, or best poem, but I didn’t really pursue it until I was in the 6th grade at age 11. It was after my father told me I was too stupid to become the president, only book writers and lawyers become presidents. I was 10 at that time, and instead of giving in and believing what he said, I told myself I will write books and become a lawyer, even though it really wasn’t my dream to become president, I just wanted to prove him wrong. (It took understanding and forgiveness, but I love my father to this day.) Continue reading
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
There are three qualities to really take note of in an individual, Loyalty, Respect, and Honesty, and that is someone you can truly trust. There is this song, “If you want love” and some of the lyrics are;
If you want love, you gon’ have to go through the pain
If you want love, you gon’ have to learn how to change
If you want trust, you gon’ have to give some away
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
The things I am going through right now. I finally get over my husband, and he talks to me about working it out. Who does that? I had to accept that he had just moved on, didn’t want me any more, and was better off without me. No lie I prayed that he wasnt having a great time without me, one of those, reap what you sow, kind of situations. While I was still wishing the best for him and praying for his heart for our daughter. For 2 years I have felt like the Israelites in Judges 10:8. Vexed an opressed, shattered and crushed. Not just broken, but shattered into thousands of pieces. My entire marriage was like this. While he was out doing him, I was at home with the children as depression sets in, trying to take care of home, going to work, making things happen for them, not being a team, and not taking care of me. I waiver liie the waves in the ocean in my relationship with Christ. And this morning, it hit me, Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. I know this already, I have written about it, I have tried to make him see it, but I left pieces of my armor at home.
I think the hardest part about going through all that I am going through is that I am used to being married. It’s kind of crazy because at the same time, I am used to sleeping alone for so long, maybe 5 months now? I know that Valentine’s day is coming up, and that honestly is the scariest day of the year for me. I can really only remember ONE good Valentines day. The rest have been thoughtless, telling me here’s $20 go get you some flowers and candy, starting a fight because they do not like the holiday, and it’s not like going out is a big deal for me on that day. Everywhere you go, the food is more expensive, its crowded, but then again, I do like getting dressed up, so there’s that lol. Perfect excuse to look good!!! ANYWAY, let me get back on topic or, get to the point. I am not sure if it is actually him I miss, or the touch of a man’s hand in the small of my back while my head is on his chest listening to his heart beat, or if it’s the companionship, or if it is him. Just him.
1 Thessalonians 5:15-18,22
15 See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.16 Rejoice evermore. 17 Pray without ceasing.18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you… 21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
This just gave me so much peace to read. All that I have or have not been doing right or wrong, it doesn’t really matter, because at the end of the day God has the final say. What I was doing, was, I wasn’t letting go, and letting God, and this past weekend, I let go. I stopped worrying, and stopped caring, and all of a sudden… I felt so free! Continue reading