The Spirit of Fear

Outside of always having stage fright as far back as I can remember, this is the stage in my life where I allowed the foothold for the devil to creep in.  I got married and pregnant all about the same time in my life, and as that happened, my husband at the time, was not so excited for it.  We made the choice to get pregnant together, but honestly, I didn’t believe it would really be possible, and he knew that as well.  I had a high-risk pregnancy with my first daughter, 2 miscarriages, and a doctor tell me that being able to carry a child to full term, just wouldn’t be in the cards for me.  Having my beautiful baby girl, now 2 years later, you can see just how wrong he was.  I married a ladies man.  Which was hard to believe, because he is the nerdy type, always gaming, but he did ride motorcycles. Continue reading

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Trust, Honesty, Respect

There are three qualities to really take note of in an individual, Loyalty, Respect, and Honesty, and that is someone you can truly trust. There is this song, “If you want love” and some of the lyrics are;

If you want love, you gon’ have to go through the pain
If you want love, you gon’ have to learn how to change
If you want trust, you gon’ have to give some away

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Seek first To Understand, You may Never be Understood.

This is something I learned many years ago. (I still struggle at times) Sometimes it kind of sucks because you wind up living in a world where you feel no one understand you. But you can step outside the box and understand everything, and everyone as if you are watching a movie you already know the ending to. This does not mean you are perfect, or that you approve or agree with other people’s views or life choices, but that you can see where they are coming from. You also can see the stupid things you do, know when you are wrong, when you will lose, and you have to be humble enough to know when to give in. The funny thing is that I am a very complex person. Proverbs 14:29 typically is talking about two polar opposite people, but that can be me in one, and that is not always a good thing.  Continue reading

Ephesians 6:12 Spiritual Warfare

The things I am going through right now. I finally get over my husband, and he talks to me about working it out. Who does that? I had to accept that he had just moved on, didn’t want me any more, and was better off without me. No lie I prayed that he wasnt having a great time without me, one of those, reap what you sow, kind of situations. While I was still wishing the best for him and praying for his heart for our daughter. For 2 years I have felt like the Israelites in Judges 10:8. Vexed an opressed, shattered and crushed. Not just broken, but shattered into thousands of pieces. My entire marriage was like this. While he was out doing him, I was at home with the children as depression sets in, trying to take care of home, going to work, making things happen for them, not being a team, and not taking care of me. I waiver liie the waves in the ocean in my relationship with Christ. And this morning, it hit me, Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. I know this already, I have written about it, I have tried to make him see it, but I left pieces of my armor at home.

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It’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate.

I think the hardest part about going through all that I am going through is that I am used to being married. It’s kind of crazy because at the same time, I am used to sleeping alone for so long, maybe 5 months now? I know that Valentine’s day is coming up, and that honestly is the scariest day of the year for me. I can really only remember ONE good Valentines day. The rest have been thoughtless, telling me here’s $20 go get you some flowers and candy, starting a fight because they do not like the holiday, and it’s not like going out is a big deal for me on that day. Everywhere you go, the food is more expensive, its crowded, but then again, I do like getting dressed up, so there’s that lol. Perfect excuse to look good!!! ANYWAY, let me get back on topic or, get to the point. I am not sure if it is actually him I miss, or the touch of a man’s hand in the small of my back while my head is on his chest listening to his heart beat, or if it’s the companionship, or if it is him. Just him.

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Temptation…

Temptation sneaks up upon us like a Marine sneaking up the stream. You don’t realize it’s there, until shots are fired and it’s too late. Sometimes it is partially planned, but in reality, you think you can hold back. You know you can, but when it is in your face, you no longer can resist the feeling that is in your most inner parts.  Genesis 3 is a lot to swallow! It is the first time you see temptation, and you see how emotion and confusion allows for temptation to creep in. Also, how easy it is to twist the word of God. Whats crazy is, if she would have eaten the other tree, she would have had everlasting life (Genesis 3:22), knowing good and evil, AND living forever. If you see the history of mankind, that just doesn’t seem like a great mix, LOL.  I guess it seems you can only have one or the other. Which makes sense as to why Jesus had to die on the cross for our sins, and only he can separate, our flesh from our sins, and give us everlasting life. Continue reading